A whole lotta nothin’

Oh hai!

I feel like I haven’t done a post in ages, but it’s only been six days. I guess I’ve just done a lot, or it seems like it.

I’m back in Hell. It sucks. So I’m trying to keep myself super busy and to basically not stop for even a minute.

Which means I’ve gotten a bit done in the two-and-a-half days I’ve been back.

But first, before I even left Wellington I applied for a couple more jobs. Slow and steady. I do have a few to do, so I might concentrate on them tomorrow.

I’ve been really making a go of trying to do my photography modules, but when the one you’re working on is about exposure and you need a clear day or an overcast day and the weather doesn’t want to play ball, it’s kind of difficult.

Oh well. I think I have managed to semi-succeed in doing this module. I just need to write it up and hopefully if it is a sunny day tomorrow, have a bit more of a play around with my camera.

I’ve had a bit more of a clean out and this time I’ve been a bit more brutal, but I also discovered a few gems.

Just going through my wardrobe, I was just seeing clothes and wondering, ‘Why the hell do I have this in my wardrobe?’ and decided to get rid of it. So I’ve got some clothes to go to charity and a few pieces to take into Recycle Boutique.

But in the clean out, I found a few things I had kind of forgotten about because I didn’t think they would fit me anymore. Turns out I was wrong.

Yay!

So I’ve rediscovered a few jackets, more blazer like, that I could wear over black dresses (which I have a few of) for work etc. They will just kind of joosh them up a bit.

Also rediscovered a pair of jeans. They *technically* don’t fit – basically I can’t do them up. But they fit my legs and bum exceptionally well. They are actually quite comfortable. For most people this might be a sign not to wear the jeans, but this is the problem that I have with pants ALL THE TIME.

If I can find a pair to actually do up around my stomach, they are massive around my thighs and bum and look really weird. Almost like I’m wearing a circus tent of sorts. So what I have done with these pants is to wear them with a belt and a long, baggy-ish top. Nobody can tell. And they actually look better than a pair that I already wear.

Goddamn clothes. Goddamn body shape being an apple.

I baked some delicious cupcakes today – lemon meringue. So tasty. And being the fatty that I am, ate the left over meringue like it was cake. (If I carry on like this my body shape will remain an apple #neverendingcycle)

Last time I made them I didn’t beat the meringue enough and it kind of started to collapse and you could see the sugar crystals. This time I beat it and beat it and beat it. I could not beat it anymore. It didn’t seem to be making any difference. But it was delicious and thick and sweet.

But it kind of weirded me out for a bit that it was actually the egg white, or albumen – it protects the yolk but is supposed to provide nutrition for the growth of the embryo. IT’S THE STUFF AROUND THE BABY CHICKEN.

Um… ew. It made me want to vom a little. Why do we use this in baking again? But it can taste so good…

I have digressed…

I think I might head to bed and read a bit of Twitterature.

Oh, and I got Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows on DVD today. #squeeee

The black dog likes me far too much.

I have done nothing today.

Nothing at all.

I have had no extraordinary thoughts.

Done nothing extraordinary.

Today has been me doing my usual – sitting on the couch watching TV (Doctor Who). I have written my articles and done nothing of consequence.

I’m starting to think I am a waste of space.

I’ve done nothing with my life and I’m actually sick of looking for a job. Sick of applying for jobs. Sick of doing it all myself. I wish I could hire someone to actually do it all for me. But I have no money. So technically they would have to do it for free.

Losing motivation ย is the worst. I wonder where it comes from?

When I started work, it was barely there, but after about a week I found some. I had it for several months, but it’s gone again.

I just looked through all my sent mail and there are so many applications in there. Many I have never heard from. Then of course there are all the ones that I’ve applied for through TradeMe or Fairfax or Seek.

It’s so absurd to be complaining about this. Because yes, I am whining. Whine. Whine. Whine.

I’ve put in so much effort over the last few months and getting nothing for it. Why. Even. Bother.

Blerg. Yeah – bad mood Reesa is back.

I get a new shiny and you can lick your armpit.

Nothing much to report on today, just like there was nothing to report on yesterday. Thus no post.

Two things of excitement today:

1. I got my new camera! A very purdy DSLR Canon 1000D *swoon*

2. I had to pack for Wellington. Yay!

So I’ve been playing with my camera a lot today. I plan to use the five hours on the bus to play with it a lot more though. Time well spent, me thinks.

I think tonight, I have perfected the art of packing. I don’t think you will actually believe how much stuff I got into my suitcase. Yes, it is bulging, but I’m pretty sure I have everything that I could possibly need while in Wellington for any eventuality of activities. Except anything like mountain climbing, but seriously? Me climb a mountain? (By mountain I mean off the track rugged terrain type mountain) Screw that.

Anyway, off to Wellington tomorrow by bus. I get to see Man Piece! This week has been crazy slow. I just wanted it to hurry up.

So sleep I must. I’m going to look like a bit of a retard tomorrow with all my bags. I have my suitcase, laptop bag, handbag, camera bag and a bag full of crap I’m going to take to Recycle Boutique to see if they can sell it.

It’s not really crap. It’s actually some quality shoes and some clothes that have barely been worn.

Oh and I have the tri-pod which I will most likely have to carry. What a weirdo, pack horse I’m going to look like.

Oh, and apparently you can lick your own armpit. Try it. You might like it.

Time to reassess this so called life.

I just realised – nothing excites me.

I don’t know why. I can’t get excited about things.

Is it because of my depression? Or is because of my medication that I’m taking for my depression?

Or is it because I’m just in a funk right now that doesn’t seem to want to go away?

Technically I’m supposed to be on “happy pills”, but I don’t find they make me ‘happy’, so to speak. They more-or-less just even out my moods/emotions. I have less ups and downs.

I have less ‘waves’ and more ‘straight lines’.

Straight lines probably at a level which aren’t quite set at ‘happy’?

Meh. I don’t know.

The point of this post? I don’t know that either.

But, I guess I can mention several things that have happened today.

My Ezibuy clothes turned up today. I can has new clothes.

I’ve decided to take a break from Twitter. In my less than joyous mood I am in currently, I thought it might be best. Plus every time I tend to go on there at the moment I want to delete it. I don’t really want to. It’s the first place I go now for my news and interesting articles. I also have heaps of friends on there and it would be sad to not talk to them anymore. I like them all very much. Maybe I need to change how I use it? Cut down on the number of people I follow. I don’t know.

So a break is required. Till I can get the bad thoughts out of my head and I’m less ‘dark and twisty’ and more ‘happy and shiny’ again.

Third thing, I have a new favourite blog. It is @Fatheffalump with her blog of the same name. She kind of inspires me. I love reading her posts because they speak the truth and also hit home.

Even though I am taking a break from twitter, I am not taking a break from blogging. Hopefully everyday I will still have a post for you all to read.