I have only been up for about 12 hours right now. It’s just after 2am.


I don’t know what it was, but I woke up at 11am, usual wake up time, all was good. Then I fell back to sleep! I don’t even know how. When I woke up again, it was just before 2pm. The only possible explanation that I can think of is that I needed sleep. But now I am here, two in the morning and I am not even a little bit tired.

Sometimes I hate my body.

I probably should have actually done something with my day, but I didn’t.

I did do some photography work and I did manage to apply for one job. That is a productive day right?

Probably should have gone for a walk or done two job applications.

It doesn’t matter how productive I think I am in a day, I can always do more. I struggle with motivation sometimes. Currently, I’m really struggling. I’m not seeing any rewards for all my effort, therefore I lose motivation. It’s a vicious never-ending cycle.

I need to see rewards, of sorts. When working, I can see the work that I have done – it ends up in print and it urges me on to do more. There’s also the added bonus of getting sweet, sweet money.

But right now, applying for job after job, I’m seeing no rewards. It might be alright if I was getting interviews for every one of those jobs I’m applying for, but I’m not.

It really doesn’t do anything for the motivation or confidence, I tell you.


I guess my main motivation is getting out of Hastings again and getting my own place. It’s hard having to come back and live with parents when you’ve been out flatting for five years.

I’ve now been here for 14 months. That’s A LOT longer than what I expected.

I honestly don’t know where this post is going. I’ve just been rambling. Once again my ability to write inconsequential nothings takes over.

I achieved nothing today. There. End post.