I sat at the breakfast bar for the majority of the day doing work. Mostly calling small businesses in Christchurch to see how they fared after the earthquake.

It was actually quite difficult to hear a few of the stories.

One woman I talked to has basically lost her entire business, she doesn’t even know if she will be able to re-open in another location. It’s just lost.

But what got me, was she said she was still lucky – she had her family and that’s all that mattered.

Then it got me thinking, and I probably should have thought this before, but why does it take an event like this to make you realise the most precious things in your life are sitting right next to you?

People are so blaise on a daily basis. Getting all up-in-arms about petty inconsequential things. Sure, they make life easier and more fun, but as long as you’ve got your family, you should be happy right? You should be thankful?

Most people are and I’m sure people in Christchurch are definitely thinking this.

But for me, I still don’t know what makes me happy. I’ve been so unhappy for years and seeing a situation like Christchurch, I just don’t know how to react sometimes.

It’s like if I was to let the full reality of what has happened in Christchurch in, like really let it in, it would decimate me. I would be in bed for weeks and refuse all food.

So to survive, I don’t care. In order to be me, I can’t care. I go on about my daily life like nothing has happened, like more than 150 people haven’t died in a city that I love.

It might sound harsh and like I actually don’t care, but I do have times where I let it all in and I just can’t function in a daily capacity.

For me, it’s self preservation.

And to me, happiness is being able to get out of bed in the morning.